2002-11-08 - 10:29 a.m.

Call And Answer ~ Barenaked Ladies

I think It’s getting to the point where I can be myself again I think It’s getting to the point where we have almost made amends I think It’s the getting to the point that is the hardest part And if you call I will answer And if you fall I’ll pick you up And if you court this disaster I’ll point you home I’ll point you home You think I only think about you when we’re both in the same room I’m only here to witness the remains oflove exhumed You think We’re here to play a game of who loves more than whom And if you call I will answer And if you fall I’ll pick you up And if you court this disaster You think It’s only fair to do what’s best for you and you alone It’s only fair to do the same to me when you’re not home I think It’s time to make this something that is more than only fair So if you call I will answer And if you fall I’ll pick you up And if you court this disaster I’ll point you home I’m warning you Don’t ever do Those crazy messed up things that you do If you ever do I promise you I’ll be the first to crucify you Now it’s time to prove That you’ve come back here to rebuild Rebuild

*~*~* and this here little part is dedicated to a good friend of mine that i talked to last night. when she reads it she'll know. hell i'll prolly end up saying her name anyways. so here i go again on my own going down the only road i'm living, like a soldier i was meant to walk alone oh my lord i lost myself in a song for a second... hehe...anyways :

darling, i understand how you are so depressed these days. i see it in your eyes. i see it in your writings. i can't comprehend all of the pain and suffering i have endured in the past, but i can still remember how it feels, and i know that i would never ever want anyone that i care about to feel that way. i'm sorry that you have to go through all of this teenage angst and wotnot. i wish that i had more time to chill with you, i miss you a lot and i dont like to see you fuck up, which only happens when you are guided by a cranker like jrich. i know that you have so much potential. i see it in your writing. you have such a way with words. its awesome. a talent at the best. dont think that you are talentless becuz you're so not. anyways. i was thinking about it and i've come to the conclusion that we really do have a bond between us. with every encounter that we've had, all the drama, all the experiences we've shared. its insane how close we actually can be if we tried. reading your inner thoughts and you reading mine, its like even tho we dont always get to chill or anything, we still can stay current with each other through this. isn't that shit great??? i love u girl and i know that even tho times are hard you will pull through in the end. stay strong and keep ya head up.

Gave Up ~ Nine Inch Nails

perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most forgot how it feels well almost no one to blame always the same open my eyes wake up in flames it took you to make me realize it took you to make me realize it took you to make me realize? it took you to make me see the light smashed up my sanity smashed up my integrity smashed up what i believed in smashed up what's left of me smashed up my everything smashed up all that was true gonna smash myself to pieces i don't know what else to do covered in hope and vaseline still cannot fix this broken machine watching the hole it used to be mine just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline of the trust i will betray give it to me i throw it away after everything i've done i hate myself for what i've become i tried i gave up throw it away

*~*~*~don't ever give up. its not worth dying. its not worth the pain. just keep that in mind.

You ~ Radiohead

You are the sun the moon and stars yeah you... and I could never run away from you You try at working out chaotic things and why should I believe myself? It's like the world is gonna end so soon and why should I believe myself?Yeah... You, me, and everything caught in the fire I can see you drowning caught in the fire

~*~*~*~ you are still out there and unknown and i'm just waiting to stumble upon your path of life and interfere, in a good way though. i need that, i'm craving it, its always in the back of my mind....please just come to me, waiting is so frustrating....

Love Song for No One ~ John Mayer

staying home alone on a Friday flat on the floor looking back on old love or lack thereof after all the crushes have faded and all my wishful thinking was wrong I'm jaded I hate it I'm tired of being alone so hurry up and get here so tired of being alone so hurry up and get here searching all my days to find you not sure what I'm looking for I'll know where when I see you until then I'll hide in my bedroom just staying up all night just to write a love song

for no one I'm tired of being alone so hurry up and get here so tired of being alone so hurry up and get here I could have met you in a sandbox I could have passed you on the sidewalk could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away I could have met you in a sandbox I could have passed you on the sidewalk could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away I'm tired of being alone so hurry up and get here so tired of being alone so hurry up and get here you'll be so good you'll be so good for me I know you'll be so good for me for me

~*~*~ i put this song up the other day and damn if i have to put it up every day for the rest of my life. it is so fucking true. this is my life on paper. in words. written by john mayer. he's now become like a savior to me. that music. those lyrics. they are me...

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