2003-02-06 - 11:37 a.m.

Consequence of Laughing ~ Our Lady Peace

Take all your pills and divide them by color and size. Take all your problems and advise them that everything's fine. Since you ran away you've been beating your habits to death. But if you were to stay would you feel this white happiness? Nobody wants to harm you when you're outside.But it's hard to believe when everyone's killing time, somebody knows that you're not laughing. Take all your pills and divide them by number and might.Take all your problems chastise them because everything's nice. Since you've ran away you've been beating those ladders instead.But if you were to stay would you feed them with violence and... Nobody wants to harm you when you're outside. But it's hard to believe when everyone's killing time, somebody knows that you're not laughing.

~ pills always make me question my existence. am i really living? or are the pills living in me? making me function correctly, filling up my serotonin levels, and making me be some sort of pseudo-happy creature. i'm not sure. i don't know. chemicals control me. to the point where i must use them in order to be normal. i have to take them for the rest of my life due to an accute chemical imbalance of hormones in my brain. i watched this show on suicide on hbo and they showed all of the after-math pictures, ya know a guy with a table saw stuck halfway into his neck. teenagers who set up guns to shoot themselves in the head by hitting the trigger with their toes. blood everywhere. the tests that they have been doing have proved that the majority of people who commit suicide have a mental disorder, or at least something wrong in that part of their brain. they went to the extent of cutting open a dead human's skull, removing the brain, then slicing the brain into different pieces and studying them intensely. well it basically made me sick to watch this and think back to how i used to be...

I Can - Nas

I know I can (I know I can) Be what I wanna be (be what I wanna be) If I work hard at it (If I work hard it) I'll be where I wanna be (I'll be where I wanna be) Be, B-Boys and girls, listen up You can be anything in the world, in God we trust An architect, doctor, maybe an actress But nothing comes easy it takes much practice Like, I met a woman who's becoming a star She was very beautiful, leaving people in aweinging songs, Lina Horn, but the younger version Hung with the wrong person Gotta astrung when I heard when Cocaine, sniffing up drugs, all in her nose Coulda died, so young, no looks ugly and old No fun cause when she reaches for hugs people hold they breath Cause she smells of corrosion and death Watch the company you keep and the crowd you bring Cause they came to do drugs and you came to sing So if you gonna be the best, I'ma tell you how I know I can (I know I can) Be what I wanna be (be what I wanna be) If I work hard at it (If I work hard it) I'll be where I wanna be (I'll be where I wanna be) Be, B-Boys and girls, listen again This is for grown looking girls who's only ten The ones who watch videos and do what they see As cute as can be, up in the club with fake ID Careful, 'fore you meet a man with HIV You can host the TV like Oprah Winfrey Whatever you decide, be careful, some men be Rapists, so act your age, don't pretend to be Older than you are, give yourself time to grow You thinking he can give you wealth, but so Young boys, you can use a lot of help, you know You thinkin life's all about smokin weed and ice You don't wanna be my age and can't read and right Begging different women for a place to sleep at night Smart boys turn to men and do whatever they wish If you believe you can achieve, then say it like this I know I can (I know I can) Be what I wanna be (be what I wanna be) If I work hard at it (If I work hard it) I'll be where I wanna be (I'll be where I wanna be) Save the music y'all, save the music y'all Save the music y'all, save the music y'all Save the music Be, be, 'fore we came to this country We were kings and queens, never porch monkeys It was empires in Africa called Kush Timbuktu, where every race came to get books To learn from black teachers who taught Greeks and Romans Asian Arabs and gave them gold when Gold was converted to money it all changed Money then became empowerment for Europeans The Persian military invaded They learned about the gold, the teachings and everything sacred Africa was almost robbed naked Slavery was money, so they began making slave ships Egypt was the place that Alexander the Great went He was so shocked at the mountains with black faces Shot up they nose to impose what basically Still goes on today, you see? If the truth is told, the youth can grow They learn to survive until they gain control Nobody says you have to be gangstas, hoes Read more learn more, change the globe Ghetto children, do your thing Hold your head up, little man, you're a king Young Prince thats when you get your wedding ring Your man is saying "She's my queen" I know I can (I know I can) Be what I wanna be (be what I wanna be) If I work hard at it (If I work hard it) I'll be where I wanna be (I'll be where I wanna be)

~ ya know, i often feel shitty about my life, because i'm lonely and i don't really have someone to love, but you know wot? i have a lot that i should be proud about. i am in my second semester of college and my grades are decent. and i try to attend all of the classes, excluding art history (gag me). but i also have a part time job that specializes in my area of expertise, graphic design, my major. everyone tells me how proud they are of me and it feels good to be reassured, but i still feel like something is missing.

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