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2003-02-11 - 7:41 p.m.
Clocks ~ coldplay
Lights go out and I can't be saved, Tides that I tried to swim against, You've put me down upon my knees, Oh I beg, I beg and plead (singing), Come out of things unsaid, shoot an apple of my head (and a), Trouble that can't be named, tigers waiting to be tamed (singing), You are, you are Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks (gonna), Come back and take you home, I could not stop, that you now know (singing), Come out upon my seas, curse missed opportunities (am I), A part of the cure, or am I part of the disease (singing) You are You are You are You are You are You are, And nothing else compares, Oh no nothing else compares, And nothing else compares You are Home, home, where I wanted to go Home, home, where I wanted to go Home, home, where I wanted to go Home, home, where I wanted to go
~ am i part of the cure? or am i part of the disease? i just don't know anymore. i'm smoking cigarettes at night, i can't cope with this. YOU'RE the one to help me quit. anyways. i'll stop singing. even if i don't want to. conor has been bouncing that damn basketball for a straight four hours now. i'm getting sick of it. ian just called me. we haven't hung out in a while. he called to see if i had weed. i thought we were like best friends. but ever since that girl came along, and he started getting ass, she became more important. you know relationships come and go, but friends stay. and it seems like i'm being pushed away. i always get the feeling that i'm not wanted, and that i'm the third wheel. so maybe i am. but i don't know. a lot of the time i just over-analyze everything. so i could be seeing things that aren't there. but damn. it seems too real to me. i'm backing off. i haven't made an effort in 3 or 4 days to make contact. i can't believe he asked me if i knew where to get weed. i mean come on. of course i have some but i'm not selling it. number 2 - where do u get off? i thought we were like family. and we are. or we were. am i losing this? it's the one friendship i thought was secure. i think i'm just being stupid. but why do i feel like shit then? i need to talk to him i guess...if only it were as easy as it sounds...fuckface.
Troubles ~ Alicia Keys
Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah Dear Lord can you take it away? (Oooh) This pain in my heart that follows me by day And at night it stalks me like the shadows on my wall (Mmmmm) Oh my goodness Feels like the world is closin' on me Feels like my dreams will never come to me I keep on slippin' deeper into myself And I'm scared, so scared If you're troubled, you just gotta let it go If you're worried baby, you just gotta let it go All your hustles aint for nothing, you just gotta take it slow When you need me baby, all you do is let it go Why does it feel that my mind is constantly trying to pull me down I can't seem to get away Continous mistakes I know I've made before How long will I feel so out of place Feels like the world is closin' on me Feels like my dreams will never come to me I keep on slippin' deeper into myself And I'm scared, so scared Feels like the world is closin' on me Feels like my dreams will never come to me I keep on slippin' deeper into myself And I'm scared, so scared Feels like the world is closin' on me Feels like my dreams will never come to me I keep on slippin' deeper into myself And I'm scared, so scared Feels like the world is closin' on me Feels like my dreams will never come to me I keep on slippin' deeper into myself And I'm scared, so scared
~ feels like the world is closin' on me, feels like my dreams will never come to me, i keep slippin' deeper into myself, and i'm scared...so scared....i'm lonely. not just being single, but friendwise too. i have a lot of friends. but few who i am really close to. and the ones who i consider my best friends are fucking away from me. flan's in boston. kenzi's in australia. charlie is in weston. grrrr. i'm tired of being alone.
Dear Friends ~ Queen
So dear friends, your love has gone Only tears to dwell upon, I dare not say As the wind must blow, so a love is lost A love is won, go to sleep and dream again Soon your hopes will rise, and then from all this gloom Life can start a new, and there'll be no crying soon
~ please do not play me for a fool. i was there for you. it's been years since we became friends. don't let things end now. don't let her come between us. just because i need you around. there's nothing romantic about my feelings for you, simply friendship. however, i'm losing you. it's like i'm being closed off completely. if i don't make an effort, then no one does. damn me to hell for having shitty luck with relationships. i keep thinking about what jess said today in class and i just want to slap her upside the head. she is so beautiful but she think's she's fat. if anyone is fat it's me. not her. she's absolutely gorgeous, model material. and for some reason she thinks she's getting bigger. but she's not. she's just growing. people do that. i wish there was a way for me to show her that she is just fine. i wish i could convince her. but i can't even convince myself. on anything. i dunno, i give up for the night.
