2003-02-13 - 11:01 a.m.

The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill ~ Lauryn Hill

My world it moves so fast today The past it seems so far away And I squeeze it so tight, I can't breathe And every time I try to be What someone has thought of me So caught up, I wasn't able to achieve But deep in my heart the answer it was in me And I made up my mind to find my own destiny I look at my environment And wonder where the fire went What happened to everything we used to be I hear so many cry for help Searching outside of themselves Now I know His strength is within me And deep in my heart the answer it was in me And I made up my mind to find my own destiny And deep in my heart the answer it was in me And I made up my mind to find my own destiny

~ my world it moves so fast today, the past seems so far away. deep in my heart the answer was in me. and i made up my mind to find my own destiny. my own destiny. my own destiny. i've made up my mind to find my own destiny. and i will. i just don't know when. or how. or where. or what. i keep delaying by thinking about the what if's, when i should just be focusing on the present. by the way my friends aren't what i thought they were. they're my friends. they're my lifelines. they love me. i love them. i feel ashamed for doubting their feelings towards me. now i know that everything is okay. i was just assuming and over-analyzing again. again. seems i do that too often. i'm going to start reading some more herman hesse as soon as i find the book i want to start with. do you know how difficult it is to find Knulp? i have searched 3 bookstores, a university library, and i still come up empty handed. it's like a sign that i shouldn't read the book because i cannot find it. but that fact alone is pushing my anticipation to read the book that much more. i want to read what he's read. i want to see what makes that book so special that he would broadcast it as his favorite. i like him. did you know that? i did. my heart does.

Smoking Cigarettes ~ Tweet

Why, oh why Gave you several years of my life And it just ain't right What's your perception of love Now, how many times did we say it was over And how many times did we not leave There's no sense in this love hangover Please come back to me Cuz I can't forget your ways I still remember our first kiss I'm nervous and tremblin' Smoking cigarettes at night Wondering where you been Smoking cigarettes at night I can't cope with this Smoking cigarettes at night Your the one to help me quit Smoking cigarettes at night In the midnight hour Late midnight hour I see the etch of yo face And it makes it hard for me to breathe What can I do to change your decision Please work with me (me, me) Sometimes my eyes won't close from weepin' And sometimes I can't wake up from sleepin' (why) Cuz you keep callin' me, keep callin' me in my dreams I can't forget your ways I still remember our first kiss You got me nervous and tremblin' Smoking cigarettes at night Wondering where you been Smoking cigarettes at night I can't cope with this Smoking cigarettes at night Your the one to help me quit Smoking cigarettes at night No more Winston's, Salem's, Marlboro Lights Don't matter what the kind is Cause you got me smoking out on you Got me puffin' 'bout a pack a night And I know it ain't healthy Nervous and tremblin' Smoking cigarettes at night Wondering where you been Smoking cigarettes at night I can't cope with this Smoking cigarettes at night Your the one to help me quit Smoking cigarettes at night Nervous and tremblin' Smoking cigarettes at night I'm nervous and tremblin' Wondering where you been Smoking cigarettes at night I can't cope with this Smoking cigarettes at night Smokin' Your the one to help me quit Smoking cigarettes at night No it ain't healthy Smokin' Gotta quit Your the only one

~ and its true, i gave you several years of my life, and i realize that our personal perceptions of love differ and that causes conflict because you use the word loosely and i don't. i thought i taught you better than that. we've discussed it many times and still you insist to screw it up and twist it into something that its not. so remember this, remember me, remember what i told you, the next time you decide to utter the three words. valentine's day is tomorrow. the initials of the holiday are VD. which i think is appropriate for the day. a bunch of sex. people using the day as an excuse to get laid. people who have a special someone get to revel in their shared love, but people who are lonely continue to loathe the day. they insist it was created by card companies and chocolate companies, and it probably was, or i'm just lonely and using that as my outlet. options are still around. i'm just not seeing them. i hope a change is made soon. i hope something good comes with that change. because only you can help me quit smoking cigarettes. i know it ain't healthy, but i don't have something else to fall back on for my addiction to nicotene. but if i had you that would change. i would quit smoking to spend the rest of my life with you. you're worth giving up one of my favorite activities just to be in your arms. but it won't happen. so i'm still a smoker. i need someone to help me quit. i need someone to help me think of other things when i begin to crave that little cancer stick. could you be the one? could you help me quit? could you just come around? could you love me? could you be here when i need someone to cry to. can you fulfill my satisfaction? can you? who are you? and where are you? i can't find you. i wonder if you're there at all. are you? will you love me? i'm so lonely. on the day when we're supposed to share our love with our valentine. i'm left lonely. alone. without. no one near. damn this feeling of unsatisfaction. someone out there will love me right? i'll keep dreaming. til then i'm still a smoker. smoking cigarettes and night. thinking of you with each inhale and exhale. and guess what. all this talk of smoking has sparked my interest. i'm out to go light up. i'm alone and a smoker. still...

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