2003-02-18 - 2:07 a.m.

Eye ~ Smashing Pumpkins

I lie, I wait I stop, I hesitate I am, I breathe I meant, I think of me Is it any wonder I can't sleep? All I have is all you gave to me Is it any wonder I found peace through you? Turn to the gates of heaven, to myself be damned Turn away from light It's not enough, just a touch It's not enough I taste, I love I come, I bleed enough I hate, I'm not I was, I want too much Is it any wonder I can't sleep? All I have is all you gave to me Is it any wonder I found peace through you? Turn to the gates of heaven, to myself be damned Turn away from light It's not enough, just a touch It's not enough, just a touch It's not enough, just a touch It's not enough, just a touch It's not enough, just a touch It's not enough, just a touch

~ i can't sleep. it's partially because i forgot to take my medicine today. i'm not at home. but i have my pills, i just forgot. i think i would have remembered hours and hours ago had i not smoked pot today. because when i go without my pills and i don't smoke, i get sick. but when i go without my pills and i do smoke, it puts it off til i come down. and i came down at about midnight, so by then it was too late cuz if i took them then i wouldn't sleep til tomorrow. but not taking them is making me have trouble falling asleep. either way its a lost cause. so i'm up. and cold. and tired. but i can't sleep. because i am not normal. because i require constant care. because i require constant medication. and when my mom's not around to ask me if i took my meds, i often forget. damn.

A New Machine - Part I ~ Pink Floyd

I have always been here I have always looked out from behind the eyes It feels like more than a lifetime Feels like more than a lifetime Sometimes I get tired of the waiting Sometimes I get tired of being in here Is this the way it has always been? Could it ever have been different? Do you ever get tired of the waiting? Do you ever get tired of being in there? Don't worry, nobody lives forever, Nobody lives forever

~ part of the reason i can't sleep is because i think too much. and my thoughts keep me awake. i tried to sleep for about an hour but kept on thinking and knowing that my thinking would keep me awake i decided to tire my eyes by this lovely method of medium. anywho. i met this guy on friday night at a party. and i enjoyed his company. i enjoyed listening to him ramble on for hours endlessly. he likes to talk and so do i so its funny because we kept fighting to tell our stories but we were both really stoned and he was drunk too so we didnt care cuz if the other spoke first whoever wasnt speaking would either forget wot they were going to say, or come up with something else to say from wot the one talking was saying. we had a lot to talk about though. and he listened. he didn't just sit there and say, okay, uh huh, yep...it was cool. intellectual conversation, and a cheeba smoker no less. exactly wot i like. not to mention the whole tall and skinny ordeal. but instead of being italian, he is irish, which is just as cool. i'm irish too so it works. but he still might be part italian, i never got around to asking him. but i know he's irish by his first and last name. i hope i get to spend more time with him soon. because it seems that everytime i meet someone i like i dont see them for a while after...

A Piece Of You ~ Veruca Salt

I'm just trying to live this life of mine The more I look, the more I'm blind And all I ask for is piece of mind And all I want is a piece of you Well I lost my way today Back home from work The snow fell like dust I felt like dirt Happens everytime I start to search For that long lost piece of you A piece of you A piece of you A piece of you It seems the last time I was sure Of anything I sold my heart I wore your ring But now, the queen has lost her king All I want is a piece of you A piece of you A piece of you A piece of you

~ so in response to this song and the guy i explained before it, all i want is a piece of you. him, rather. i miss my house. i miss my bed. i miss my kitties. i miss my friends. i miss my brother, my mom and dad. i miss my other brother too but he's barely ever home. i miss the other things listed because i am not home. like i said before. i'm at my grandparents, we got blizzard daniel today. it beat the hell outta the state laying at least 20 inches on us here, and i'm guessing the same at home. i stayed tonight on the chance that my classes will most likely be cancelled because of the weather, and because it was too crazy driving conditions to make the trip home. well, we could have made it if we wanted to because my aunt has 4 wheel drive, but she's all alone at the house right now because my grandfather is in the hospital and my grandmother is staying with him. and as rough as a situation that is already, i didn't want my aunt to be by herself, she panics too much as it is. well. i guess i killed enough time on this box. pops is in my prayers. peace.

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