2003-02-25 - 10:58 a.m.

My Immortal ~ Evanescence

i'm so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me you used to captivate me by your resonating light but now i'm bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone and though you're still with me i've been alone all along

~ i am so lonely. and all the love that i ever had is gone. i have all of this love building up inside my heart but i have no one to give it to. and if i dont find someone to love soon my heart will just fill to the tilt before it explodes and i never love again. i just want love. i want the complications. i want the whole packaged deal. i want someone who i love to love me back. i want someone to run to, someone to cry to, someone to lean on, someone to tell me that it's all going to be okay. just someone. a love to call my own. i'm so damn alone. and i can't stand the pain of being by myself. it hurts too much.

Rest Of My Life ~ Unwritten Law

Am I the only one that feels alone Though, all is home Emotions flow Am I the only one that hears the tears run down my face Would anybody recognize at all Cause I know I'm so slow But I'm tryin And I'm still dyin to know Say you won't leave for the rest of my Life's the only thing that deals the pain Like pouring rain Breeding hate And I don't wanna do no wrong My God, it's been so long Please comfort me Before I go insane Cause I know I'm so slow But I'm tryin And I'm still dyin to know Say you won't leave for the rest of my life I know I'm so slow But I'm trying And I'm still dying to know Say you won't leave for the rest of my life I'm so slow But i'm tryin And i'm still dyin to know Say you won't leave for the rest of my I can't have you in for the rest of my Say you won't leave for the rest of my life

~ i've made many mistakes in my past. a few i regret, but regrets are unanswered dreams so i leave that thought aside, and instead i learn from my mistakes. i used to jump into a relationship with anyone who liked me because the pickings were slim, but now i realize that i need to set standards for myself. and i did just that. but now i've been alone for a little over a year now. or maybe i've always been alone. but either way, i think i set my standards too high, or just nobody matches them. but someone has to. they're not crazy standards. their fucking normal. there's just no one around. no one. i'm stuck alone. i hate being alone. I HATE IT. i despise it. it's not fair. i'm so sad and lonely.

Angel ~ Amanda Perez

It's been five months since you went away Left without a word and nothing to say When I was the one who gave you my heart and soul But it wasn't good enough for you, no So I asked God God send me an angel From the heavens above Send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes And I know it might sound crazy But after all that I still love you You wanna come back in my life But now there is something I have to do I have to tell the one that I once adored That they can't have my love no more Cause my heart can't take no more lies And my eyes are all out of cries God send me an angel From the heavens above Send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes Now you had me on my knees Begging God please to send you back to me I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep You made me feel like I could not breathe Now all I wanted to do was to feel your touch And give you all my love But you took my love for granted Want my lovin' now But you can't have it God God send me an angel From the heavens above Send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes Oh God, send me (God send me an angel) An angel (wipe the tears from my eyes) Oh baby Send me an angel from the heavens above Send me an angel (God send me an angel) From being in love (send me an angel) Oh God, send me an angel Send me an angel (send me an angel) Ooohhhh..

~ god, if you do exist, send ME an angel. i could truly use one. i am so alone and lost in this cold and anguish-filled world. i feel as though i am about to break. my heart is literally begging to love. yet there is no one to call mine. no one. nothing. alone. again. always have been. this pain is killing me. it's too real. my memories of past relationships are just haunting me. i need a new relationship to rid the ghosts of the old ones. and soon. please god. if you do exist. send me an angel. someone to love me for me. and make all of my worries go away. without love what is life?

Ex-Factor ~ Lauryn Hill

It could all be so simple But you'd rather make it hard Loving you is like a battle And we both end up with scars Tell me, who I have to be To get some reciprocity No one loves you more than me And no one ever will Is this just a silly game That forces you to act this way Forces you to scream my name Then pretend that you can't stay Tell me, who I have to be To get some reciprocity No one loves you more than me And no one ever will No matter how I think we grow You always seem to let me know It ain't workin' It ain't workin' And when I try to walk away You'd hurt yourself to make me stay This is crazy This is crazy I keep letting you back in How can I explain myself As painful as this thing has been I just can't be with no one else See I know what we got to do You let go and I'll let go too 'Cause no one's hurt me more than you And no one ever will No matter how I think we grow You always seem to let me know It ain't workin' It ain't workin' And when I try to walk away You'd hurt yourself to make me stay This is crazy This is crazy Care for me, care for me I know you care for me There for me, there for me Said you'd be there for me Cry for me, cry for me You said you'd die for me Give to me, give to me Why won't you live for me Care for me, care for me I know you care for me There for me, there for me Said you'd be there for me Cry for me, cry for me You said you'd die for me Give to me, give to me Why won't you live for me

~ i keep thinking about my past. i've started a new story to try and rid my horrid thoughts. but they still appear when i'm just existing. when i'm sitting in a car i always envision myself falling out of the door and slamming into the gravel. scraping my skin, and tearing me apart. because that's how i feel. i'm so fucked up. i just wish these thoughts would slow for a little while. i just wish i could find someone to care for me so that i can give all of this pent up love out. i need to love. i crave to love. i dream to love. i live to love. and without love i feel i am not living. i am just a lost soul with no purpose but to wander this earth's surface and build up my resumee...damn me.

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