2003-03-06 - 1:10 p.m.

In My Pocket ~ Mandy Moore

Among the many muted faces You try to find me in the spaces You're drawn to my song You only move to keep from sinking You close your eyes as if you're thinking Afraid all along That in my eyes you're so revealing you'll find what you're needing Nothing but pennies in my pocket Nothing but faith to keep me warm Well, baby, then I would be broke without it Tell me, how much for your love Slip my heart in your back pocket All I got to keep you warm So baby don’t leave me here without it Tell me, how much for your love Hoping the melody will leave you You walk to where I might not see you Reach out to the wind Looking to catch it for a minute But just to hold it not be in it I've been where you've been Cause some how I'm so afraid the love Will reveal what you're made of Nothing but pennies in my pocket Nothing but faith to keep me warm Well, baby, then I would be broke without it Tell me, how much for your love Slip my heart in your back pocket All I got to keep you warm So baby don’t leave me here without it Tell me, how much for your love Cause somehow I'm so afraid the love will reveal what you're made of

~ so i might go to a club with jess next thurs, the hippadrome in springfield. i heard it's phat. that means new outfit. i'm not the type of person that clubs all the time, but every once and a while it's cool i guess. long as i have fun. so i'm tired and stuck at school for another 45 minutes thanks to this damn blizzard. i've been done since 10:45am and I'm still here waiting for a ride. It's reasons like this that make me need a car dammit. i'm lonely. did you guess that? cuz i bet you knew. because i've been alone for a long time. too long. there's no one suited for me. no one i am suited for. fuck man. i need some lovin.

Why Do I Feel So Sad? ~ Alicia Keys

Friends we've been for so long Now true colors are showing Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does Cuz I had to say goodbye By now I should know That in time things would change So it shouldn't be so bad So why do I feel so sad How can I adjust To the way that things are going It's killing me slowly Oh I just want it to be how it used to be Cuz I wish that I could stay But in time things must change So it shouldn't be so bad So why do I feel so sad You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realize Your actions speak much louder than words So tell me why oh By now I should know that That in time things would change So it shouldn't be it shouldn't be so bad So why do I feel so sad By now I should know That in time things must change So it shouldn't be so bad So why do I feel so sad By now by now I should know That in time things must grow And I had to leave you behind So why do I feel so sad If it couldn't be that bad Tell me why By now I should know That in time things would change So it shouldn't be so bad So why do I feel so sad

"Out on the road today i saw a dead head sticker on a cadillac , a little voice inside my head said dont look back u can never look back, i thought i knew what love was..but did i know, those days are gone forever i should just let them go, But..." ~ Don Henley

~ i saw this quote from someone in the past, and it made me start to remember. aside from all the shitty times, there were good times, but it seems the bad outweight the good i guess. i miss the friendship that we used to have. things have happened during that time that i will never forget and i know she won't either, alman bros '01 for example. nothing tops that night. it was insane. impossible to describe in words. mind-blowing. i dont know. i wonder if she ever thinks about me or misses me? i know we had a really bad ending, but it wasn't my fault. if i didn't stand up for what i think is right then i would still be stuck in a hell. things are better now without, but something is still missing. oh yeah that's right, it's love, isn't it?

Come Dig Me Out ~ Kelly Osbourne

They wanted me To be the dream But my mood went south And I'm stuck on the couch with bad jeans And the couch sucks me down to the floor And the floor sucks me down to the earth And I'm covered and buried before My heart had a chance to start working Hey, it's heavy underground I'm screaming for attention So come dig me out Hey somebody can you hear me now 'Cause my world is caving in so come dig me out It's raining again And who've guessed No one's come along to tell me I'm a mess And the bed sucks me down to the floor And the floor sucks me down through the earth And I'm covered and buried before My head had a chance to stop hurting Hey, it's heavy underground I'm screaming for attention So come dig me out Hey somebody can you hear me now 'Cause my world is caving in so come dig me out I never thought I could fall ten feet under I always thought someone would remember To look for me Before I reach the end Hey somebody can you hear me now 'Cause my world is caving in so come dig me out

~so it was my grandfather's 71st birthday last night, and it was sad because my aunt didn't look good. she's got cancer that is basically a lost cause because it has already spread throughout her body and she's falling apart. it sucks to see her in so much pain, and not to mention the way it affects the whole family, her kids, my grandparents, my dad...me. i just hope that she is happy, no matter what the situation. i hope she can learn to enjoy life to the fullest with what you've got, if she hasn't learned that already. i'm falling it seems. the negativity is a hard battle to fight, it's like trying to walk against a snowstorm, impossible almost. my head hurts. i need some down time, i know i'll get it soon but. i just need a vacation. time away to re-analyze my life. once the money comes things will be better. i am trying to attack the other goal that sits on my shoulders, and my eyes...but thats hard too. "to resist is to piss in the wind, anyone who does will end up smelling" - incubus. but seriously. i feel lost. lost.

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