2003-04-08 - 11:10 a.m.

Strong Enough ~ Stacie Orrico

As I rest against this cold, hard wall Will you pass me by? Will you criticize me as I sit and cry? I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won Only to find the road has just begun Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough? To break me, pour me out, and start again Is He not brave enough? To take one chance on me Please can I have one chance to start again? Will my weakness far from now make me suffer for a life time Is there anyway to be remade whole again? If I feel renewed and find forgiveness and find the strength I've never had Will my scares forever ruin all God's plan? Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough? To break me, pour me out, and start again Is He not brave enough? To take one chance on me Please can I have one chance to start again? He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around In my most desperate circumstance It's there I finally found That You are strong enough That You are pure enough To break me, pour me out and start again That You are brave enough To take one chance on me Oh Thank You for my chance to start again

~ so if He really exists, He gave me a chance to start over. And I ran with it. I worked so hard. To rid myself of all the excess baggage that would hold me down, the bad habits that would get me into trouble. i'm good now. not to say that i wasn't before. i was just experimenting to experience before. but now i know. now i know what to do and what not to do when faced with a situation. before i would have fucked up. but now i have resistance. i have a power within me to stop myself from screwing up. it's my conscience. i may have a bad habit here or there, but no one is perfect. and i'm not gonna change who i am inside to be something else for someone. the only way i'll do that is for me. if i feel the need. which right now i don't. i felt lost for a long time, but now i've got some direction. i did a 180 and found the right path. i'm actually proud of myself for something. which is a lot for me to admit, considering...

Strong Enough ~ Sheryl Crow

God, I feel like hell tonight Tears of rage I cannot fight I'd be the last to help you understand Are you strong enough to be my man? Nothing's true and nothing's right So let me be alone tonight Cause you can't change the way I am Are you strong enough to be my man? Lie to me I promise I'll believe Lie to me But please don't leave I have a face I cannot show I make the rules up as I go It's try and love me if you can Are you strong enough to be my man? When I've shown you that I just don't care When I'm throwing punches in the air When I'm broken down and I can't stand Will you be MAN ENOUGH to be my man? Lie to me I promise I'll believe Lie to me But please don't leave

~ part of the reason i am so alone right now is all of the things that come with being in a relationship with me. i am a good person at heart. but He decided to throw me a curve ball with this chemical embalance...thus i am stuck with an endless struggle. and any one who joins me for the ride will feel the wrath of the embalance as well. that often scares people. the true friends are the ones that will always be there for me no matter what. the ones that will listen to me when i tell them about how i used to be. the ones that will take in what i say and not look at me in a different way, only look at me in a brighter light, for the things that i've been through and gotten through. it's been a rough battle. but i like where i stand now. i've fixed up the kinks and flaws and now i am just waiting for someone to join me on this ride. i'm tired of being lonely. i want someone. i don't know who. but someone. and i'm saying it up front right now, that i come with difficulties. not constant ones, but occasional. and to be with me you have to be able to handle that. you have to be man enough to be my man.

21 Days ~ Blink - 182

My mind wonders as I'm trying not to fall in love with you 'Cause everytime I awake I ponder on my mistakes of what I said, it is always my esteen that I sure lose playing those stupid games that I always end up chasing you I can't help myself anymore rehearsing my thoughts as i'm too scared to come to your door I pushed it all aside just to stand next to you But now you won't talk to me for something that I didn't do It's not gonna work And i'm trying not to think of you I'm all confused as I think of the things I would do I'm all shook up as I get all nervous inside My emotions are something that I will always hide my ways

~ and it haunts me like a ghost with unfinished business. because i believe that there is unfinished business between us. i really do. i get nervous around you. my stomach flutters. my heart soars. my face flushes. my mind wanders to all the possibilities and all the "could have beens." i miss you. i will always miss you until we get some sort of closure. you're the one that got away. and i'm not finished with you yet...

Gasoline ~ Audioslave

Houses haunted i just want to go for a ride out an on thought i'd set this room a light left alone forever and for crimes unclear with my patience gone someone take me far from here burn that gasoline yea burn that gasoline new day only another day in solitude houses honest clearly more than i can bare drain me all before i set my world on fire i am gone the sun will never set tonight burn that gasoline yea burn that gasoline no more forests only a can on red says danger on it i have found another way burn that gasoline yea burn that gasoline burn it all the way burn it all the way

~ so all this war stuff needs to just burn away. my grandfather's medical problems need to burn away. my cousin taking advantage of me needs to burn away. my aunt's cancer needs to burn away. the money problems that we all struggle with need to burn away. i need a car so that i can drive away. and soon, maybe within the next month, i'll have one. and a license. i was a little wrong about my mom. she does want me to drive. she just doesn't want me to drive her car, which is understandable considering the last time i did so. jenn remembers that...next time i am hitting the animal. damn me and my soft heart. once i get myself set with a mode of transportation i will be so content. and the sig ep party is gonna be the shit. a pig roast starting at noon and running throughout the night. the shitt! i can't wait. i miss marc. i hope he's doing okay. i hope that he is happy. i hope that everyone is happy. it sucks to be sad...all the sadness needs to burn away...

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