2003-04-12 - 12:46 p.m.

A Dream ~ Mary j. Blige

A dream A simple fantasy That I Wish was reality That you Come knocking at my door And we Relive this dream once more Last night I dreamed That you were here with me And we were in each other's arms It was oh so heavenly You held me close to you And whispered in my ear Let's spend the night together Sharing love beyond the bed As we danced to the melody We had so much to share And the music stopped In a flash I was all alone It was just a dream Haunting me once again A dream A simple fantasy That I Wish was reality That you Come knocking at my door And we Relive this dream once more The day you left You said you would return Just when couldn't promise That you needed some time alone You said you'd love And someday our love would be I couldn't understand it I thought we were both happy As we danced to the melody We had so much to share Then the music stopped In a flash I was all alone It was just a dream Haunting me once again, oh A dream A simple fantasy That I Wish was reality That you Come knocking at my door And we Relive this dream once more A dream

~ this dream has been haunting me for a while now. not that the dream stays the same, but the person in it does. and the reality as of now is that there is absolutely nothing i can do about it. he's with someone. a lot younger than me. a lot dumber than me. a lot smaller than me. a lot easier than me. oh well. i should give up right? and i want to. and i try to. but then i go to sleep and what do you know. he's there. i just cannot win.

Sleep To Dream ~ Fiona Apple

I tell you how I feel, but you don't care I say tell me the truth, but you don't dare You say love is a hell you cannot bear And I say gimme mine back and then go there - for all I care I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream You got your head in the clouds And you're not at all what you seem This mind, this body, and this voice Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways So don't forget what I told you Don't come around I got my own hell to raise I have never been so insulted in all my life I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride First you run like a fool just to be at my side And now you run like a fool But you just run to hide And I can't abide I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream You got your head in the clouds And you're not at all what you seem This mind, this body, and this voice Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways So don't forget what I told you Don't come around I got my own hell to raise Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive We're not playing a game anymore You don't have to be so defensive Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame Just go back to the rock from under which you came Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim - And don't forget the blame I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream You got your head in the clouds And you're not at all what you seem This mind, this body, and this voice Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways So don't forget what I told you Don't come around I got my own hell to raise

~ i'm serious. i don't understand why i am so stuck on this fucking guy. why can't he just stay away from my mind? it's fucking terrible because the reality of the situation is a dead end but the roads keep twisting and turning in my head. i want something new to come and take over. and it sucks because thats not happening. because i'm not letting it happen. damn me. i cannot continue this nonsense.

Dreams ~ All Saints

Here I go again, got a broken heart This time I'll get stronger No grieving 'til the break of dawn Ain't falling easily, move over Dreams are dreams, Will alas come true Skies are clear, leaving me bright and blue I will raise my glass to my heart and say, "Here's to tomorrow, not yesterday" Here's not to dreams that don't come true Here's not to what was me and you Here's not to all the days gone by And to the truth that lived a lie. Dreams are dreams, Will alas come true Skies will clear, leaving me bright and blue I will raise my glass to my heart and say, "Here's to tomorrow, not yesterday" Dreams are dreams, Will alas come true Skies will clear, leaving me bright and blue I will raise my glass to my heart and say, "Here's to tomorrow, not yesterday" Dreams are dreams, Will alas come true Skies will clear, Leaving me bright and blue I will raise my glass to my heart and say, "Here's to tomorrow.... My words are a whisper, in silence I shall... No Hallmark card can spell it out. Deep down inside, you know I care There's nothing to say 'bout the love we shared. Dreams are dreams, Will alas come true Skies will clear, leaving me bright and blue I will raise my glass to my heart and say, "Here's to tomorrow, not yesterday" Dreams are dreams, Will alas come true Skies will clear, leaving me bright and blue I will raise my glass to my heart and say, "Here's to tomorrow, not yesterday" Dreams are dreams, Will alas come true Skies will clear, leaving me bright and blue I will raise my glass to my heart and say, "Here's to tomorrow, not yesterday"

~ i really try not to look back because to keep thinking about what you could have changed in the past is just a huge waste of time. there is no changing it because there is no going back to it, there is only the future. and we don't know what is going to happen in the future, so it's aimless to think about the future because it too is just a fucking waste of time. so what do we think about then, the present? i mean, all other thinking is useless, unless its about things we can do. but i never really thought (ironic yes...) about how thinking about (more ironic i know) the future and thinking about the past is a waste of time. i'm going to attempt to realize this conclusion that i have made with myself and put it into use. however, me with my bad memory, will probably forget that i ever thought about it.....ha.

past present future