2003-04-21 - 3:46 p.m.

Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye ~ The Black Crowes

With my winter time My idols and stage fright In another night Where the lights are loud and bright One dream from waking up saved Too shy to hold in the rage I know no luxury Of knowing what your eyes read I know one million ways To always pick the wrong thing to say A love that you never gave Always a time zone away It's not out of spite I know what's right Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye Sometimes a memory Only sees what it wants to believe And what's filled in between Are days and nights that don't mean a thing Such a simple suicide A second chance never tried And you don't understand I need a helping hand So you think that you've seen it all Is that a fact? So out your mouth a dictionary Spouts about this and that You got your do's, your don'ts Because and why I don't trust no one who don't Take their own advice Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye

~ i got my license back. i've been mad busy. driving around, just out and about all the time. the lack of effort i've been putting into my school work is starting to catch up with me and i'm actually letting it. i should really be working on my 20 page term paper for intermediate composition on the effects of the budget cuts on art programs in the state of connecticut...so fucking interesting huh? yeah that's what i thought. so instead i am sitting here rockin' out to stacie and enjoying my high and my diet pepsi while typing to myself, who i have been neglecting for a while. i'm sorry self. if i wasn't so damn busy i would probably stick to the daily entry deal. but obviously that's not the case...

Can't Let Go ~ Mariah Carey

Oooh Can't let go Oh baby Oooh O yeah Mmh O yeah There you are holding her hand I am lost Dying to understand Didn't I cherish you right Don't you know you were my life Even though I try I can't let go Something in your eyes Captured my soul And every night I see you in My dreams You're all I know I can't let go Just cast aside You don't even know I'm alive You just walk on by Don't care to see me cry And here I am Still holding on I can't accept My world is gone No no Even though I try I can't let go Something in your eyes Captured my soul And every night I see you in My dreams You're all I know I can't let go Oh Do you even realize the sorrow I have inside Everyday of my life Do you know the way it feels When all you have just dies I try and try to deny that I need you But still you remain on my mind Even though I try I can't let go Something in your eyes Captured my soul And every night I see you in My dreams You're all I know I can't let go No I just can't get you out of my mind I never can say goodbye 'Cause every night I see you in my dreams Even though I try I can't let go Something in your eyes Captured my soul And every night I see you in My dreams You're all I know I can't let go

~ so saturday night we went up the mountain and chilled at the camp spot to celebrate 420 at midnight and basically have a good time without supervision. so he came up and he brought her. and they were sucking face in front of me, and it was just like....what am i wasting my time for? ya know? nothing is going to change for a while, i'll probably never get him back. i still kick myself daily for letting him slip through my fingers. we barely say hello to each other these days. i just want to sit down with him, just me and him, and talk. let him pick my brain, and i'll pick his haha. i just want some closure. of course seeing them suck face like that is closure in itself. it hurts, to see him with her, and to know that i don't matter to him anymore. he doesn't care about me. maybe he never did. but i know he did. whether it was for a minute or less or more, it was there at some point. but its clearly gone now. and i have to let go. but it's just so damn hard. i'm lost, you're still on my mind although my inspiration is sinking...

Jimi Thing ~ Dave Matthews Band

Lately I've been feeling low A remedy is what I'm seeking Take a taste of what's below Come away to something better What I want is what I've not got But what I need is all around me Reaching searching never stop And I'll say... If you could keep me floating just for a while 'Til I get to the end of this tunnel...mummy If you could keep me floating just for a while I'll get back to you Take a Jimi Thing Just to keep me swingin' I'd like to show you what's inside I shouldn't care if you don't like it Brother chaos rules all about Sometimes I walk there Sometimes, God knows, I take a bus there I should't care I shouldn't care bereaved as I'm feeling Day is gone I'm on my back Staring up at the ceiling I take a drink sit back relax Smoke my mind (or my kind...hehe) makes me feel Better for a short time What I want is what I've not got What I need is all around me Reaching searching never stop And I'll say If you could keep me floating just for a while 'Til I get to the end of this tunnel...mummy If you could keep me floating just for a while I'll get back to you

~ ian is right. i think god was sending us a message by having easter land on 420 this year. he's saying that pot is not bad. it comes from the earth, and he probably indulged in the ganja all the time. jesus smoked. so love it or leave it. and just as soon as it came, it went, good ol' four-twenty. next week is the pig roast and i have to sing in front of all of those people i'm totally pissing my pants at the thought. i'll get through it somehow. anyways. i need a cig cuz the stage fright is reaching my nerves...

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