2003-04-27 - 10:16 p.m.

Someone To Call My Lover ~ Janet Jackson

Back on the road again Feeling kinda lonely And looking for the right guy To be mine Friends say I'm crazy cause Easily I fall in love You gotta do it different J This time Maybe we'll meet at a bar He'll drive a funky car Maybe we'll meet at a club And fall so deeply in love He'll tell me I'm the one And we'll have so much fun I'll be the girl of his dreams maybe Alright maybe gonna find him today I gotta get someone to call my lover Yeah baby come on Alright baby come in Pass my way I gotta get someone to call my lover Yeah baby come on I E YI I spoil them when I'm in love Given them what they dream of Sometimes it's not a good thing But I'm blind I love hard with everything Giving my all More than they I'll take my friends' advice this time I'll do it differently Maybe we'll meet at a bar He'll drive a funky car Maybe we'll meet at a club And fall so deeply in love He'll tell me I'm the one And we'll have so much fun I'll be the girl of his dreams maybe Alright maybe gonna find him today I gotta get someone to call my lover Yeah baby come on Alright baby come in Pass my way I gotta get someone to call my lover Yeah baby come on I E YI My my Looking for a guy guy I don't want him too shy But he's gotta have the qualities That I like in a man Strong, smart, affectionate He's gotta be all for me And I'll be too You see happily Maybe we'll meet at a bar He'll drive a funky car Maybe we'll meet at a club And fall so deeply in love He'll tell me I'm the one And we'll have so much fun I'll be the girl of his dreams maybe Alright maybe gonna find him today I gotta get someone to call my lover Yeah baby come on Alright baby come in Pass my way I gotta get someone to call my lover Yeah baby come on I E YI...

~ i'm lonely. have i mentioned that yet? options are slim to none as of now. i'm just tired of falling asleep alone. of no one special calling to wish me good night. or to kiss me hello. or to take me to a show...aww i want a nice boy to be my own. i want someone to call my lover. i gotta get someone to call my lover...soon. this loneliness is like a knife piercing the skin, each second ticking by it pushes in deeper and deeper until all i can do is lose blood until i bleed to death. the loss of love is killing me. i need to feel special again. i need to matter again. i know it won't happen until i change my ways, but what does that prove, that looks are everything? because i can't seem to find a guy who can look past my outer appearance and love me for who i am inside....it's such a terrible realization of what our world is coming to....

Paper Bag ~ Fiona Apple

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star To pray on, or wish on, or something like that I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had But then the dove of hope began its downward slope And I believed for a moment that my chances Were approaching to be grabbed But as it came down near, so did a weary tear I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb Looking for a little hope Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine, And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said 'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything' But he didn't get it I thought he was a man But he was just a little boy Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

~ he's taken. and not by me. and it won't be by me for a while. or ever. they seem to be in love. but i'm not, so i wouldn't know it when i see it. i have to give it up. to let go of him. to let go of the false hopes. to move on. to be realistic. that in our society today, it's just unacceptable to look like me. i'm attempting to change that. but it's so hard. i've pulled through life and death matters, but i can't seem to pull through this. i just need to believe in myself. i need to be strong. i need to change my ways. i need to work at it. if i want it so bad, i should be able to work at it. this past weekend i fuckt it up. but tomorrow is a new day. believe in me. i'm trying to...

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