2003-05-01 - 9:19 a.m.

Can't Trust Myself ~ Blaque

I didn't really wanna be on your team I just wanna wear the uniform that was enough for me But somehow you stole the ball from my court And you voiced a game one on one that I didn't wanna play I never had a guy to play the whole game They always seem to quit at halftime leave the rest to me I never thought love should be that way If you're down you should be down until the buzzer rings And I can't go back down that road again Knowing that it is another dead end Although I really wanna take this ride with you I'm not sure what our destination is and baby this is why I can't trust myself cuz everytime I get around you I turn into someone else I'm learning too much about you You can't possibly be this perfect, see why Anytime I get around you I can't trust myself trust myself When we are alone it drives me crazy Cuz I hate the fact that I don't want your love I find myself pushing you away Then I turn around and I want you to stay And I know it's kind of premature But I just gotta be sure And I can't go down that road again Knowing that it is another dead end Although I really wanna take this ride with you I'm not sure what our destination is and baby that is why I can't trust myself cuz everytime I get around you I turn into someone else I'm learning too much about you You can't possibly be this perfect, see why Anytime I get around you I can't trust myself trust myself Remember the time you looked into my eyes I never wanna be with another guy Everytime I think of how you make me feel I know you're the one for me I never had someone to treat me like you do I pinch myself I can't believe it's true You're the one, you set me free I'm falling in love and it's killing me I can't trust myself cuz everytime I get around you I turn into someone else I'm learning too much about you You can't possibly be this perfect, see why Anytime I get around you I can't trust myself trust myself

~ it's true. i never really wanted to be on your team. i just wanted to wear the uniform. cuz i've never met a boy who can be down until the buzzer ends. they're always out at half time. and i'm stuck at center court, trying to shoot for a million bucks, only to miss embarrassingly. alone. being. of. tired. am. i. i. am. tired. of. being. alone.

The Wreckoning ~ Boomkat

I came I saw I kicked some ass The pain I cause it makes me laugh 'Cause the way I do my thing is strange I just inject myself into your veins, yeah Can't run can't hide There's no way out The sun will rise and it's about Time for the wreckoning Time time for this girl to sing Damn if I thought that you would change And my life would stay the same When you don't even care about me You know, you don't give a damn Well things will come and things will go And one thing I know for sure is that You don't give a shit about me And so I'm walking out the door. (oh yeah) Can't move can't breathe it's gettin dark The beast has come to steal your heart So you better practice your scream Well you may not live your dreams Things will come and things will go And one thing I know for sure is that You don't give a shit about me And so I'm walking out the door. The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning Oh, it's time The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning Oh, it's time Damn if I thought that you would change And my life would stay the same When you don't even care about me You know, you don't give a damn Things will come and things will go And one thing I know for sure is that You don't give a shit about me And so I'm walking out the door. The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning Oh, it's time The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning Ya don't give a damn And I'm running from my problems I got my funny face painted on And then I'll think of what you said to me And then I'll think of what you did to me I'll think of you and probably laugh And then I'll think of you and probably laugh And then I'll think of you and probably laugh You're the one I'm running from Damn if I thought that you would change And my life would stay the same When you don't even care about me Ah no, you don't give a damn Well things will come and things will go And one thing I know for sure is that You don't give a shit about me And so I'm walking out the door. The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning Oh, it's time The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning Oh, it's time The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning Ya don't give a damn The wreckoning The wreckoning The wreckoning I'm walking out the door

~ it's time for the wreckoning. this is just the beginning. i thought that nothing would change. but it did. i am minus 6 of those elle-bees that bother me. i am on a journey to a land of a new me. a healthy me. i can do it. i will do it. i will do it. now. the wreckoning is the new me. once all the past see the wreckoning there will be a wreckoning, but they won't be able to take back what's already been done.

Worlds Apart~ Jars Of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this Somehow it all adds up the same Soaring on the wings of selfish pride I flew too high and like Icarus I collide With a world I try so hard to leave behind To rid myself of all but love to give and die To turn away and not become Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves more deeply than the oceans, more abundant than the tear Of a world embracing every heartache Can I be the one to sacrifice Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow To love you - take my world apart To need you - I am on my knees To love you - take my world apart To need you - broken on my knees All said and done I stand alone Amongst remains of a life I should not own It takes all I am to believe In the mercy that covers me Did you really have to die for me? All I am for all you are Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost and wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour the battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago So steal my heart and take the pain, wash the feet and cleanse my pride take the selfish, take the weak, and all the things I cannot hide take the beauty, take my tears this sin-soaked heart and make it yours take my world apart take it now, take it now and serve the ones that I despise speak the words I can't deny watch the world I used to love turn to dust and fall away I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost so wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain so steal my heart and take the pain take the selfish, take the weak and all the things I cannot hide take the beauty, take my tears take my world apart, take my world apart I pray, and I pray, and I pray take my world apart Worlds apart.

~ take my world apart. to love you....take my world apart, to need you, i am on my knees. take my world apart. i miss you, did you really have to die for me. i see your brothers and i think of you. i think of what could've been. i explain it clearly to my brother, but inside my heart rips. the seems loosen and the whole organ collapses. i'm sorry. we're still worlds apart.

Rain ~ SWV

Sometimes it's soft as a misty rain That gently touches my soul It cools the fire that burns in me And I simply lose control So just Rain down (on) on me Let your love just fall like raindrops Rain on me Just Rain down (on) on me Let your love just shower me Just rain on me Full as a dam at capacity My passions about to explode (yeah) I can't escape it's surrounding me I'm caught in a storm That I don't need no shelter from ain down (on) on me Let your love just fall like raindrops Rain on me Just Rain down (on) on me Let your love just shower me Just rain on me (showers, showers, showers, sprinkles, sprinkles, fall down on me) (your loves just falling) Fall down, fall down on me Let it Fall down, fall on me Just rain down (on) on me Chill me with your loving touch Rain (rain) on me I wanna feel your love is real is your love Rain down (on) on me (me) Rain (rain) on me Oh baby just... Rain down (on) on me Let your love just fall like raindrops Rain on me Just Rain down (on) on me Let your love just shower me Just rain on me Sometimes it's soft as a misty rain

~ today the rain comes down hard then soft then hard again. i just got caught in a downfall. but i don't mind. why do people complain about the weather? it's not like they have any control if it rains or not. people look at rain in disgust. i think it's beautiful. a natural beauty. it's a gift from god. if there is one. but let's not get into that. i'm sooosooosoosooo content right now. *high* anyways. i feel like i have so many things to do, so many deadlines to meet. but yet i do not act. i do nothing. i do what i would do if i had nothing to do. but i have a lot to do. i really need to get on the ball and type that 20 page paper for english. i need to go to the wadsworth and write about a couple paintings. i have to draw my room. and it has to be perfect. because it's my final. and i have to finish my landscape. aghhh. when am i gonna get all this done? i have the weekend. i have to work friday, then i have the afternoon off. then saturday i'm free. and sunday too. i really want to make sunday a work day. maybe that's wot i'll do. sunday is paper day, i will complete my 20-page paper. saturday i'll go to the wadsworth and get the notes. then i can write those up on monday night. and i will draw my room tuesday night. and i will finish my landscape on monday during class. okay i'm scheduling my self senseless and i've lost my train of thought. if anyone is actually reading this far, through all this bullshit, i'm sorry i couldn't make it more interesting. but i had to get it out because it's been bothering me for days. anyways, enjoy the rain. watch it for a while if you get the chance. nature is beautiful.

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