2003-09-06 - 3:06 a.m.

I Wish I Felt Nothing ~ Wallflowers

Say when you're alone
It's better 'cause nobody knows you
When no one's your friend
It's better 'cause nobody leaves you
So you turned your back
On a world that you could never have
'Cause your heart's been cracked
And everyone else is goin' mad

But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you

Now all of these people
Come up from deep holes
Pullin' you down
And it's just no use
When all the abuse follows you down
By the morning you've gone
Leavin' me here all alone
Sayin' it's no mystery
I know that nobody here needs me

But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you

And I know you believe that you and me don't belong here
And the worst we could do
Is keep trying to pretend we care

But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you

~ leaving me here alone again. "i don't want you here." why do you still care for her? why are you stringing me along if you do? i can't be fooled with right now. i'm too tender. i'll break easily. so he hit her so you run to her side to beat his ass? think about all the shit she put you through. the stuff that i don't know about. you hate her but you love her. and i can understand that, but i have trouble accepting it. i told you today. that i liked you but that i didn't want to like you. but that i can't help it. i wish that she didn't exist right now. this is a severe case of bad timing. i can't believe how much has changed. i barely know you anymore. but i want to that one for you. boy's don't usually make me cry. but you make me cry. it hurts for me to watch you hurt for her when all i want is to be the one you're thinking about not her. i can't help it. i tried to hold back. i tried so hard. but i can't. you're suddenly my weekness. i think i should've gone to uconn tonight.

So Emotional ~ Christina Aguilera

It's either black or white, that's right
We're makin love or in a fight
Sometimes you make me feel so blue
But then it feels so good, i knew it would
You know the way to make me crazy
I want to give it to you

You make me feel so emotional
I can't let go I'm so emotional
I'm sinking fast into an ocean full of you
I'm so emotional

You take me high and low, you know
I'm never sure which way you're gonna go
You're such a mystery to me
But baby hot or cold, you got a hold
Of my imagination
I think you know what i mean

You make me feel so emotional
I can't let go i'm so emotional
I'm sinking fast into an ocean full of you
I'm so emotional

Rain is falling down on me
Suddenly the sun comes out
Sometimes north or south of love
But never out!

~ you say that it's not my fault and i believe you. and i understand that you don't want me to be there when you go kick his ass. but i don't want you to fall back into that trap. i'm being selfish right now. she had her chance and she fucked up. it's my turn. you make me so damn emotional. i didn't know what to say or how to say it without breaking so i began to write. at least then i can monitor what i am communicating to you. sometimes it's hard for me to say certain things so i use the only other logical option. and i want to pull you aside and ask you what you thought about what i wrote. i want you to give me a hug and wipe away these damn tears that are gliding down my face. i'm sinking fast into an ocean full of you. will you come over tomorrow night? i want to be alone with you. and i know you need a break from the chaos that is living at your place. i hope you do. i think that my heart will break if you go back to her. i can understand you defending her. but i don't think i will be so quick to forgive and forget about it if it happens. if these feelings that i had for you were minor this wouldn't be a big deal. it's impossible for me to love you. but it's impossible for me to stop thinking about you. we need some alone time. we need to sort things out. i'm hurting right now.

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