2003-10-09 - 10:21 a.m.

Recent Horoscopes that moved me haha :
Monday, October 6:Import new files and foreign goods without any of the usual problems. You make your best presentation to an ideal audience. Right now, everyone wants to be your friend.
Tuesday, October 7: So what if you're out of sync with the latest trend? A small minority likes flashy new things, but to most people recycling is a virtue. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that you'd do well in a place of scarce resources.
Wednesday, October 8:Honest mistakes are embarrassing. Inattention is a comparatively minor crime, but it does open a can of worms. You're too innocent to be wandering through such dangerous surroundings.
Thursday, October 9: Sagittarius takes the initiative to fill a void. Address your needs with style and confidence. The solution that's right for you could actually be marketable. It's strange to be paid for having so much fun.

Torn ~ Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
Which crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care
I had no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can touch I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
Torn

There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late
I'm already torn
I'm Torn.

~ Well you couldn't be that man I adored/You don't seem to know/Seem to care what your heart is for…there’s just so many things/That I can’t touch I’m torn…I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. I am on a Natalie Imbruglia binge right now. I love this song. I always have. I love singing it too. I want to sing this to him. Sometimes I think he forgets that there are other people that have problems just like he does. My grandmother had a heart attack. I need a hug. I need to know that she’s going to be okay. I need him to comfort me dammit. Just hold me for a little while? I’ve been to reliant on the MJ. And yeah, it can help me be independent, but that happens by me getting rid of my feelings. “I like how it feels not to feel” – Sam, Life As A House. Even my boss told me, “if I were you I would be a drunk”. Yeah well, instead of a drunk I’m a stoner. I love you Grandma, you’ll pull through this, I know it.

Eden's Crush - You Know I Can
When I see you sad
With your head down low
Didn't know what she had
She was a fool to let you go

I'm gonna take away your pain
Make her loss my gain
I know you haven't seen me yet
Or thought of me that way

But I've been watching you
Waiting for this day
I'll be all you need to forget her
You'll see through different eyes
I'm gonna make you realize

I'm not as naive as you think I am
Know what goes on between a woman and a man
Don't act so serious just take my hand
Do you wanna know
Can I do ya right
Can I make you want me
You know I can

You've got perfect lips
I always dream of kissin'
When I wake up boy
It's always you I'm missin'

Wanna be with the real you
Come and make my dreams come true
I gotta go easy gotta take my time
I got my arms here waiting
To help you cross the line

I'm not as naive as you think I am
Know what goes on between a woman and a man
Don't act so serious just take my hand
Do you wanna know
Can I do ya right
Can I make you want me
You know I can

You look at me and see innocence
Might seem like I don't have experience
Nothing you give to me is too intense

Do ya wanna know
Can I do ya right
Can I make you want me
You know I can

~ You know I can be the one to make you forget about her yet you seem to be skeptical when you approach. “Haven’t you wondered, why you’re finding it hard just looking at me” ~ Natalie Imbruglia, Wrong Impression. You need to look me in the eyes. You need to move on with me by your side. Together we can accomplish more than apart. This whole song, I’ve never actually heard. But I do enjoy the lyrics, they speak my mind for me. I should play this one for him. Maybe he’ll listen to it. He better. He’s driving me insane. I like him. Aaaaaggggghhhhhh. What do I do? Where do we go from here? Maybe tonight will tell. I hope at court that all went well. I hope that she wasn’t there, but I bet she was, and I hope that you maintained your cool with him there too. Just remember that I like you. Forget that shit and be with me. So tight, So fly, You got me lifted, You got me lifted, You got me lifted, shifted, higher than the ceiling, and ooh-wee it’s the ultimate feeling, you got me lifted, feeling so gifted, suga how you get so fly? That’s you. There’s feelings there.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

~ When I had to get my medical records together for my lawsuit, I eventually got my own personal copy of the history of my treatment for everything emotional over the past few years. There was a point in time when they gave me a second diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. When I went to do my deposition, they asked me, “Have you knowledge of being confirmed positively diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?” And I answered, “No.” Throughout all of my sessions with therapy and psychiatrists, no mention of borderline personality disorder ever occurred. Now I look back and wonder… what if? Have the doctors really evaluated everything? No, they haven’t. Because they need me present to do so. How come they never said anything to me about it? When I had to answer questions in group I was probably lying half the time because I don’t even know my true diagnosis. I think I need to be re-evaluated. But it’s hard to think about how I used to be without medicine. I took this test cause I found it on Chelle’s page. How precise it actually is we’ll never know, but it certainly makes me think.

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