2004-04-05 - 4:35 p.m.

From “Burn” ~ Usher
“I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)…”


~ So true sometimes. I am completely torn these days. There are two inside me. It’s like that Tupac poem….I’ll find it and paste it in here after. But for now, UCONN is winning, which is excellent. I watched the entire game on Saturday amidst all the chaos. You’re stupid if you think you can make me jealous. I went out with the other Justin yesterday. Then Tim, Chelle and I went for a ride before I devoted myself to my school work. Tonight the UCONN men take on Georgia Tech for the Championship game. I will watch this game. I will have a good time doing it too. I will not let him rule my life anymore. I tried to call him today to see if he wanted to come over later and watch the matrix revolutions with me and maybe take a dip in the hot tub, but he wasn’t home. And I have a good idea of who he’s with. But he was being so gay on Saturday night that I lost some respect for him. He treated me rudely and acted as if I wasn’t even there half the time. Oh well, life goes on right? That’s what people keep telling me anyway.

In the Depths of Solitude
poem by Tupac Shakur
I exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
Trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
CONSTANTLY yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect
Never compromising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret
A young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
How can i be in the depths of solitude
when there R 2 inside of me
This Duo within me causes
the perfect opportunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity

Sleeping Beauty ~ A Perfect Circle
delusional i believed i could cure it all for you dear
coax or trick or drive or drag the demons from you
make it right for you sleeping beauty
truly thought i could magically heal you
far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
failing miserably to rescue sleeping beauty
drunk on ego truly thought i could make it right
if i kissed you one more time to help you face the nightmare
but you're far too poisoned for me
such a fool to think that i could wake you from your slumber
that i could actually heal you
sleeping beauty poisoned and hopeless
far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
failing miserably to find a way to comfort you
far beyond a visible sign of you awakening
and hiding from some poisoned memory
poisoned and hopeless sleeping beauty

~ I thought that if I showed him love the right way, and introduced him to a feeling of love and family that maybe he would learn and pick up on the mannerism but he is just a lost cause. He dwells on all of the years his life was dysfunctional, well many people live life that way, they just don’t show it. When I look into your eyes I see mystery, depression, and a little sprinkle of hope. I thought that maybe I could help you see that life and love can be a good thing. It’s not always drama, it’s not always lovey-dovey either. It’s simply love. There’s no defining it. There’s also no changing a person who isn’t ready to change. No one can make you become something that you are not. You must want to be different and work to change your ways yourself or else nothing will ever be accomplished. I know that. I know that I cannot change him. He needs to change himself. And that’s out of my hands…

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