2004-04-15 - 11:28 p.m.

Breaking The Habit ~ Linkin Park

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again

I dont want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
Cuz I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit tonight


~ I found something that I am really good at. Only this something is not something that people want to be good at. I'm good at fucking up. If you put something in my hands I'll find a way to fuck it up, unintentionally of course, yet fucked up all the same. I did something terrible tonight, I stole money from my brother, on his birthday, and I got caught out about it too. I am so fucking stupid. I don't think sometimes about consequences. If I stop and think about consequences more often, I'll do less stupid things. I am seriously such a fuck up right now. I feel inadequate as a sister. I feel like a piece of shit. I feel lower than a piece of shit. I feel terrible. I love him so much and I fucking stole from him. I'm so dumb. I'm lucky that I have a brother who loves me and has a big heart and can forgive me so easily, yet it doesn't take away the pain and the fact that I fucked up. I'm just a loser. I'm breaking the habit of fucking up tonight. Right now. I'm done fucking up. I need to grow up and take responsibility for my life. I'm doing that starting now...tonight...

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